![]() ![]() When it’s good between the two of you, it seems very good and this bonds your heart back to him in the hope that “he really does love me” and “things are changing.” The bad can also be very bad and that’s what feels so hurtful and shocking. Please understand that both the love bombing and discarding are part of the same abuse cycle, and confusion is what keeps women caught in the abuse cycle itself. The second part is the cruelty and discard of your voice, your feelings, and your very personhood. You are the most important person in his life. The first part is love bombing where you are treated like a queen. The back and forth of his kindness and cruelty is all part of the cycle. Your description of the fantasy courtship, the quickness of your engagement, and his dramatic turnaround after marriage are all classic signs. Maybe even narcissistic personality disorder. You haven’t given me a lot of information but from what you have described you have married someone who probably has a high degree of narcissism. They shrivel up, shut up, and after years and years, they no longer recognize the person they have become. They spend way too many years hoping things will change and nothing ever does except them. They are not only blamed for what’s wrong but usually believe it and blame themselves. ![]() Too many women keep trying harder to recapture the flame of that magical feeling that you first experienced together. But I am so glad you have reached out for help early in this cycle. No new bride wants to wake up in her dream marriage and realize she is in a nightmare. What is happening to me and my marriage?Īnswer: I’m so sorry. My heart is so broken, and still, I don’t want to give up on my marriage. I feel like I am shutting down totally, and am starting to hate him and nearly feel disgusted towards him because I am so tired of hurting. He is one way sometimes then the opposite the next for no reason at all that I can see? Now I am catching him in little lies and I don’t feel like I can trust him anymore. He yells at me, calls me names, blames me, threatens to leave or does and more. The last few months have been some of the hardest of my life. It happened so fast, but we were so happy it was like living a fairy tale. He proposed and we got married 4 months later. Her mother is not in her life so I have filled that role. He has a young child and I’ve grown very close to her. ![]() When I started dating my husband, he was everything I’ve hoped for and more. I’m 28 years old and I’ve never been married until now. Question: I am at a loss for where to even start. These things are all part of healthy relationships and learning how to handle differences, disagreements and even conflicts are necessary if you want to have loving connection and community. ![]() Even gentle challenging is allowed (Some blogs do not allow that but I disagree with that perspective). All voices are welcome here as long as you are respectful of the other voices here. Let’s not devalue one another’s voices as many of you have had enough of that growing up and in your marriages. We are all at different stages of healing and we are all working on becoming a healthier version of ourselves, growing in Christ-likeness, even in the midst of our own pain. But let’s remember to love one another well here and give each other the benefit of the doubt. This is a long blog post so I’m not going to write much here. ![]()
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